While packing things to move to the new house, I came across a book that caught my eye: “Don’t Raise Your Child To Be A Fat Adult” I almost couldn’t believe what I was seeing and the only thing I could do was shake my head and laugh at the ridiculousness. I asked my mom, “Did you see this?? Where’d it come from?” She answered with a simple, “Yeah, I bought it!” like it was no big deal. The copyright in the book is dated 1980, four years before I was born, so I’m not sure why she would even need a book like that.
My mom was a part of a weight loss group for most of her life, and I’m positive she’s tried every diet known to man, making her weight go up and down like a yo-yo. She used to keep a picture of herself at her goal weight on the fridge, and the scale – a big medical office scale – used to sit in the corner of the kitchen. It never occured to me that these things were abnormal until I talked about it in treatment. It’s not normal to repeatedly try diets or place reminders of weight loss on the fridge. And when I told others that our scale sat right next to the kitchen table, eyes widened and jaws dropped in disbelief. It was normal to me. It was normal to my mom, too, as my grandmother taught her.
It’s taken a long time to reteach myself what is normal, and it’s still very hard to break old habits and thoughts. My mom didn’t make me have an eating disorder, but the disordered beliefs floating around probably did. Putting blame on my mom wouldn’t solve anything, either, and blame means that there is intent behind the action. She definitely didn’t intend to pass down anything that would harm me.
I don’t know the numbers, but I imagine that there has to be a correlation to the amount of mothers and daughters with eating disorders/disordered eating. The disordered thinking eventually replaces the healthy thinking and that thinking is passed on to the next person. Unless there is some learning and willingness to change, the cycle will continue until someone breaks the pattern. I’ve met quiet a few women in treatment who wanted to get better for their children, only because they didn’t want to pass their habits to the child. Children only imitate what they see, and whatever mommy or daddy does and says is their normal – including eating disorder behaviors and self-esteem issues.
If Nothing Changes 