I’ve been extremely busy recently. My parents just bought a new house after living in the same place for almost 30 years. I’ve been helping paint, move boxes, pack, all the crazy things that come along with moving house. And a lot of stuff is accumulated over decades so it’s been a little overwhelming. While my parents move to the new place, I’m staying here – in the “old house” – by myself. (Unless my cat counts as a person.) I’ve lived here all of my life and while I’ll still be in the same place, it will be different. Buying the new house was a very long process, months of going back and forth from one party to the other, so we’ve all had plenty of time to prepare for the change. I’ve talked about it in therapy and with my dietitian because it is a big change. It’s my chance to prove I can do really well on my own, or I can fail miserably.
I will be responsible for myself. I know I am capable of handling daily chores and activities, but meals, food, and eating is something I’ve never had to do by myself before. It’s always been prepared for me, whether it was while working at summer camp, at the hospital, or my mom. Now I must fix meals, go grocery shopping, and eat without anyone telling me. My healthy self is excited to take on new responsibilities and make meals for myself. My eating disorder self wants to crash and burn and I already hear the whispers, “Come on, nobody will know if you don’t eat!” I guess it’s a good thing that I really can’t lie to my treatment team.
Especially with meals, planning is required. Without it, it’s easy to make up excuses to not eat, to put it off, to give in to the disorder. When you have no clue of what to make for dinner, the eating disorder convinces you that it’s completely fine to skip one meal – it’s no big deal! If the meal is written down on paper, it’s a lot easier to follow through. I used to hate writing out meal plans while I was in IOP, but they actually do help. Imagine that! Grocery lists need to be written out, especially if specific ingredients are needed for the planned meals. I’ve had many trips to the grocery store without a plan and I felt too overwhelmed to buy anything.
There’s always an excuse the eating disorder can use to get its way, but if one thing can be done in support of recovery, that’s one more step further away from the eating disorder.
If Nothing Changes 
Hey Jen, Once again, an honest and direct blog. Planning is so important for proper meals. I always encourage clients to plan for eating, even if all they can do is just plan to eat a breakfast every day. What is their idea of breakfast? Do they have oatmeal, or cereal, or the right bread they are happy to eat? Teabags? Coffee? Fruit? Something as small as not having the right spread for their toast can be enough of an excuse for the eating disorder to kick in with a critical message about failure “you see, you never even wanted to eat this breakfast in the first place, if you did you’d have bought your spread”.
Plan, Plan, Plan. Write it down. Hang it up. Make a List. Take Control. Even if it is only a glass of juice and a slice of toast, for you, that could be a milestone.
Take care.
Thanks for your feedback. Every little thing can be helpful because it doesn’t take much for a “good excuse.” I have a great relationship with my treatment team and they find some of my ED excuses hilarious, and my healthy self knows they’re ridiculous, but it’s how the ED works.